Sometimes I make really silly assumptions. Like, I’ll assume people will just walk the 2 ft and throw out their garbage in the trash can versus just throwing it on the ground. Or I’ll assume that people will let others off the subway before trying to squeeze in. OR OR I’ll assume that a person realizes they are much larger than the free amount of space on a subway bench and not try to squeeze themselves onto two people just so they can sit. I know, silly me.
Here’s another silly assumption I make: I assume people would be smarter than to use fake pictures on an online dating site.
First, let me say that this is probably the 6th time I’m attempting online dating. These attempts never last more than about 30 days because someone usually ends up creeping me out so much that I deactivate my account. Plus, the whole online dating thing isn’t something I’m good at. DATING isn’t even something I’m good at, and I’m especially worse at it when it’s virtual in any way.
To be honest, my signing up for OKCupid is less about finding my other half in life than it is about me trying to make myself be more social. Because believe it or not, if I don’t know you or someone I know doesn’t know you, there’s a very high chance I will never talk to you. Unless I’m being paid to talk to you, in which case, you know, I’ll talk to just about anyone and be the most charming and “on” bitch you could ever meet. That girl, though, that girl isn’t naturally me. I’m some kind of bizarro introvert that seems like I’m outgoing be I’m really only outgoing if I HAVE to be or I already know and like you. If I don’t know you or like you, you pretty much don’t exist.
And I don’t mean that as badly as it sounds. Which, I know it sounds kinda bad. Like pretty bitchy. But I’m not a bitch. Well, I AM but I only use my powers for good and not just for the sake of being a bitch.
This is probably one of the reasons I suck at dating. First off, I think “dates” are bullshit and unless you’re someone I’m sleeping with and in a relationship with, the whole date thing is just awkward. I’m not impressed by going to a fancy restaurant or any of that. I know that’s probably against some kind of dating “rules” thing, but it’s just not my bag. I’d rather just hang out in a casual way, and if it happens, it happens. I’m not even sure what “it” is but I’m pretty sure everyone involved will just know when “it” occurs. Or at least, you know, pass me a note or something.
Remember when shit was that simple??? When you just passed notes to find out who liked who and by the end of Lunch Period you had a boyfriend and were french kissing on group dates to the movies with your friends? We really complicate things too much. ANY WAY… back to online dating. And fake profiles…
Even before Catfish existed, I was pretty awesome at spotting bullshit on the interwebz. The people who use the fake pics and write the fake profiles are rarely very good at it, which makes me wonder how stupid the people who get duped by them are? The best is when someone uses pics that are obviously professionally done, and even slightly more obviously of a model or something. Do these wannabe catfish not know that Google image search exists?
Also, what’s the motivation here? Why take the time out in your life to go through the tedious task of finding pics to use, fill out a profile ( which is a major time suck) and interact with people? When they fill out the essay parts, do they fill it out with their real thoughts and likes or are they making up a whole imagined backstory for this character?
See, it’s this shit that actually intrigues me WAY more than the possibility of meeting a real date. I find a fake profile and I’m wondering how much time went into writing it and answering all those lame, irrelevant questions OKC asks. And how they came up with the fake name for this imagined person they aren’t. Like, did they make a list and narrow it down until they landed on the one they went with?
Just so many questions I’ll never have the answers to.
Anyway, here’s “Keith”, who’s really a model named Mateus Verdelho.
I almost wanna pretend to let this person think they’re cat fishing me just for the entertainment factor. Or is that mean?